A Game Called Clue
by SeaFairySakura
Summary: Duo Maxwell fears a number of things aside from endless war...BOREDOM. And for once, the other pilots agree...what to do? This is my first fic--be kind...no flames or I'll sic Zechs on you. PG13 for lingo and possible suggestiveness...have a laugh.


Disclaimer: I don't own them. I only babysit them. 0.o Ok ok I don't own any of them or anything to even do with them...I work too hard for the little money that I possess so PLEASE don't sue me!   
  
  
  
"I know you are bored. You said that already. What do you suggest we do?"  
  
The words hit Duo Maxwell like a cloud of anarchical confusion. So many possibilities! What could they do? It was no secret that the pilots were bored without any fighting or mobile suits to take care of. What were 5 Gundam Pilots to do?? Duo thought for a while as he glanced around the room. Heero was half waiting for Duo's reply to his question and half paying close attention to the computer screen, which was lit by the sights and sounds of Mortal Kombat. Wufei was playing with that blasted bendy stick thingy again. Duo wasn't too sure what it was called, but it was irrelevant to his predicament so he didn't bother to figure it out. Quatre and Trowa were locked in what looked like a rousing game of chess. Neither one had moved in some time. Duo decided that it was kind of boring to watch if you weren't playing, although Quatre's occasional apology to a lost pawn was amusing. There HAD to be something to do-but what? Duo had already suggested Full Contact Chess, but only Heero and Wufei seemed the slightest bit enthusiastic about that, so the group had moved on to the next topic. Then something in the shape of an idea formed in Duo's head.   
  
" Hey guys! Let's play a game!" Duo suggested.   
  
" After we finish this game you mean." Replied Quatre, who was staring intently at the board.   
  
Duo and Trowa sighed. " That could take ages!"   
  
For once, Trowa cracked a small smile. "You know Quatre, he's right. This could take forever. We should try something else for a while. We can come back to this if you want."  
  
Quatre agreed. " Sounds good. Now then, what does everyone want to play."  
  
" No card games. I've had quite enough of those. Besides Maxwell can cheat too easily with cards." Wufei replied.   
  
" I would never!" cried a smiling Duo.   
  
" Uh huh" Wufei went back to his bendy stick. " Then every card deck must come equipped with five aces."  
  
" I had five aces in my hand! Twos and fours were wild."  
  
" Is he still ranting about that poker game?" Quatre asked snickering.  
  
" Yeah he just won't admit that I won all the M&M's fair and square."  
  
" Hmmph." Wufei paid closer attention to his bendy stick.   
  
" I have an idea! There's five of us, right? We should all play Clue!" Duo piped up.   
Oddly enough, Trowa, Heero and Quatre agreed almost instantly.  
  
" What on earth are you talking about Maxwell?  
  
" Haven't you ever played Clue, Wufei?"  
  
" I have never heard of it."  
  
" Well you are about to learn how to play it so come over here while I set up the board. You better hurry or all the good characters will be taken."  
  
" Characters?"  
  
" You'll see. "  
  
" Can't we just play Seek- and- Destroy Badminton?" asked Heero. Quatre looked uncomfortable.  
  
" Uhm, I don't think that is such a good idea there Heero. The neighbors are still upset about the, uhm, lake we blew into their front lawn." Quatre cautioned.   
  
" I don't see what they are complaining about. They have waterfront property now. We upped the value of the land. That's forgivable...." Heero reasoned in a monotone voice.  
  
Quatre snickered. " If you say so Heero."  
  
Duo held out a hand of character cards face down. " Alright guys pick your cards and don't turn them over until I say so."   
  
" Why not until you say so, Maxwell?"  
  
" C'mon Wufei where is your sense of fun?"  
  
" I think I lost it when you won all my M&Ms."  
  
" Do I detect a hint of sarcasm in there?"  
  
" Deal the cards Maxwell."  
  
" Right right.   
  
" Why are we choosing our characters this way Duo? I thought we just picked a color." Quatre questioned.  
  
" I have a good reason. There are 3 girl characters and 3 guy characters. It makes the chances fair if you draw your own card and we don't start yet another fight."  
  
"Duo is being logical? What has the world come to?? I might have liked the world better with the war-it was safer when Duo didn't think..." Quatre eyed Heero cynically. Heero quickly added," Fine, fine lets just pick cards."  
  
" I want to be Ms. Scarlet" said Quatre. Trowa raised an eyebrow. Wufei debated whether or not he should whack Quatre in the head for that one.  
  
Shortly after everyone drew a card, an obvious problem surfaced. Trowa was the first to state this problem. It was after all, his duty to be Captain Obvious.  
  
" Hey we need another player. There is one card left."   
  
"Duo call your woman."  
  
" Huh? My woman?"   
  
" Yes that one that keeps following you around."  
  
" I had no idea she was mine or I would have given her a leash and collar and had her papers registered. Then I would have to get her rabies shots...that's no fun"  
  
" Duo..." Quatre cautioned.  
  
" What?? I was kidding sheesh. Do you mean Hilde?"  
  
" Yeah she is your woman isn't she?"  
  
" I thought I already covered this. Why can't you call your 'woman' in Wufei? Sally is lurking around the Peacemillion here somewhere I'm sure you know exactly where she is."  
  
" MAXWELL!!!!" Wufei ran around the room after a Duo-shaped-blur wielding his katana.   
  
Trowa rolled his eyes, and Heero peeked at his card. After much screaming and breaking of rather expensive looking vases, the two pilots reclaimed their seats.   
  
Quatre, always the peacemaker, took the initiative of solving the problem, and soon Hilde had joined them and was holding the last card.   
  
" Alright everybody turn over your cards, and read the name out loud"  
  
" I want to be Ms. Scarlet!"  
  
" We know Quatre we know." All 4 pilots replied in unison.  
  
" Fine ok. I guess I'll start." Quatre flipped over his card. " OooooOO! I get to be Ms. White! That's good. I wanted to be white anyway. The white piece looks like a pawn, and I am reminded of our UNFINISHED CHESS GAME"  
  
" I know Quatre I told you we will finish when we are done playing this." Trowa replied expressionlessly. He coolly flipped his card over. " Colonel Mustard."  
  
Heero: " Professor Plum"  
  
Duo: " haha Mrs. Peacock. I always thought Mr. Green and Mrs. Peacock had something going on."  
  
Hilde: "Mr. Green."  
  
Duo : "Dammit!" Quatre laughed. Wufei raised an eyebrow at Duo. " What Wufei? C'mon flip your card over."  
  
" INJUSTICE!!!!!!" Wufei turned and interesting shade of red upon the appearance of the Miss Scarlet card, who stared back at him seductively.   
  
Duo could not contain his laughter at the ranting Wufei, who was shrieking out a stream of words that would make a sailor blush.  
  
" I will not play this game of weaklings! Women aren't fit even to commit murder!" Wufei screamed.  
  
" Oh is that so?" Hilde narrowed her eyes. " We can always try that one out to be sure."   
  
"C'mon you guys let's not fight. It's only a game." Quatre intervened.  
  
" He's right," Heero agreed. " I don't want to get blood on the board game."  
  
" It's a weak game that only weak people play!"  
  
" Says the guy who was too weak to fight on Nataku" Hilde sneered.  
  
" KISIMA!!! ONNA!!!" Wufei held himself back as much as Wufei-ly possible.   
  
"Now that we know what color we are let's just get this thing started. That way Duo will be happy and he can take a nap after this and leave all of us alone for a while"  
  
" Thanks Heero."  
  
"Just roll the stupid dice Duo"  
  
" I do not understand the purpose of this game. What is the reason for me to be this Scarlet tart exactly?"  
  
" It's like a murder mystery Wufei. You have to solve the mystery. One of us is the killer-" Quatre started.  
  
" That is yesterday's news Winner. We have all killed."  
  
" No no this is an imaginary person in the game. They call him Mr. Body. We just have to figure out who killed him, where in the house represented on the game board and how." Quatre explained.  
  
" That's easy. It was the woman."  
  
" But women are too weak to murder" Hilde grunted. Wufei eyed her icily.  
  
" In that case it was Maxwell. Now can we do something more constructive?"  
  
" It wasn't me Wufei. Or at least not me personally...that I know of...I don't think.."  
  
" This is too confusing. If it wasn't the woman or Maxwell, then it must be Relena Peacecraft."  
  
All pilots sighed with their heads in their hands. This was going to take a while.   
  
"I'll get us something to drink then." Duo decided, and left to find coffee. He returned with two pots, with Relena shortly in tow, who had offered to help carry the cups.  
  
***20 minutes and 12 coffees later***  
  
" I think I understand. This is a detective game."  
  
" YES" replied an exasperated Quatre, who held his 3rd cup of coffee with a trembling but patient hand.  
  
" Why didn't you just say that in the first place?"  
  
Quatre fell sideways out of his chair.   
  
The game was finally in full swing. Duo and Trowa had consumed far too much coffee in such a little time period, and things were starting to get ugly.   
  
" Hey guys look!!!! I can fit my little blue pawn right up my nose!!" Duo displayed this proudly. Hilde abruptly smacked him in the back of the head. The little playing piece flew across the table and hit Heero square in the forehead.   
  
"You just can't stop launching projectiles at me can you Duo? First it was bullets. Now this. I'm crushed." Meanwhile, Trowa had 'kidnapped' all of the playing pieces and had set them up in a very colorful pyramid.  
  
" Uh...Trowa...can I have my piece back?" Quatre asked.   
  
" NO! They're busy see?? Good little game pieces have to practice their pyramids."  
  
" He's been around Maxwell too long." Wufei retorted.   
  
" Uh..I see...uhm...er...well I am um..little white pawns father and I have come to take him uh home from..pyramid practice." Quatre tried.  
  
" Oh yeah?? Can I see some ID? What color are your daughter's eyes?"  
  
"Daughter?" Duo asked Heero, who shrugged and passed some popcorn around. This was far more amusing than the board game.   
  
"Daughter Trowa? I mean...blue. She has blue eyes. Now can I have it back?" Quatre pleaded.  
  
" NO! "  
  
" Why not???"  
  
" Because you lied. You are not the white piece's parents. The white piece is a BOY!"   
  
Duo munched happily on his popcorn. " Who needs TV, eh?" Heero nodded and poured some sodas. (Duo is quasi-immune to the effects of caffeine as he drinks it so often)  
  
" Argh. Please Trowa. I would like my piece back. We have to finish the game. Help me out here Wufei."  
  
" He can have the tart. The woman is his now. I give her to him."  
  
" Thanks a lot Wufei." Quatre grumbled.   
  
Trowa however looked like a child on Christmas morning. " YOU MEAN IT WUFEI???" * hope hope*   
  
" Yes. The woman is yours."  
  
" THANK YOU!!" Trowa rushed up and engulfed Wufei in what would probably be the biggest hug of either of their lives. Quatre, Heero, Hilde, and Duo dropped what they were holding, wide eyed. Wufei looked bewildered and disgusted at the same time, whilst taking a few large steps away from the caffeinated Trowa. Duo fought off the urge to utter a quiet " Justice".   
  
" This is bad." Heero said.  
  
" Tell me about it," said Duo. " Not even I get this bad!"  
  
" No I mean I dropped coffee on my spandex and it burns." Relena instantly got up and ran to the kitchen to fetch some towels.  
  
"Yeah ya do Duo." Hilde stated. "Remember that incident with the squirrels and the race cars?"  
  
" Oh yeah....eh heh heh..I thought the squirrels would be better drivers than that.." Duo rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.  
  
"Squirrels?" asked Heero.  
  
" Race cars?" asked Quatre.   
  
Only Wufei was not surprised at all. " Only Maxwell."  
  
While this was going on, no one had paid any attention to Trowa, who was busily scribbling happy faces on all of the playing pieces. He spread them over the carpet proudly. Quatre noticed this and tried sweeping them up and back onto their original positions on the game board, but Trowa removed them as quickly as they were replaced.   
  
" That boy is gonna have a caffeine crash like no other. I would know. I've had enough of em." Duo watched, amused.   
  
"Yes you have. And you usually make a bigger mess for me to clean up"  
  
" You don't have to clean them up Hilde but I really appreciate when you do."  
  
" No problem Duo. It's not a big deal. I want to help you out."  
  
Wufei, who had returned to his bendy stick, snickered and raised and eyebrow at Duo. Duo tried his best to ignore him, but it wasn't easy.   
  
Meanwhile, Quatre was trying to coax the pieces away from Trowa, who was resisting in every way possible.   
" C'mon Trowa just let us finish the game then you can play with the um.. acrobat circus..."  
  
" Nooooo! No touchies!" Trowa inched away, wide eyed.  
  
Quatre sighed, then tackled Trowa, determined to wrestle the pieces out of him. Relena returned and tried helping a blushing Heero with drying his coffee-covered spandex. It was at this moment that both Sally Po and Catherine had decided to drop in to visit. Quatre froze as a horrified Catherine looked on, while Sally found herself laughing at Relena's kind effort gone awry.  
  
" WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING???" Catherine demanded, readily aiming her knives.  
  
" It's not what it looks like!" Quatre squeaked. " He took my thingy and I want it back."  
  
" WHAT?!?!?" Catherine tried to calm herself. " WHAT thingy?"  
  
" My little white thingy!" Catherine grew a lovely shade of scarlet.  
  
Wufei seemed to become enlightened. " OH! SHE is Miss Scarlet! It was her that killed this Mr. Body."  
  
Duo was rolling with laughter, Hilde not too far behind. Heero bit his lip, trying to avoid showing any kind of emotion with Relena standing there. Catherine's eyes finally rested on the pile of Clue pieces and she understood.   
  
" Oh God." Catherine whined.  
  
"Yes?" asked Duo.  
  
" Shut up Duo. Not you. Who gave Trowa coffee?"  
  
" I would try the guy who's last name is a coffee brand." Wufei snickered.   
  
" Eep!" Duo ran from sharp knives for the second time that day as Catherine chased him around the room. Quatre chased after her to stop the violence, and soon found himself being chased as well. Wufei shrugged and started chasing Duo and Quatre for the hell of it. Heero returned to his game of Mortal Kombat.  
  
"Sorry about the towels Heero," Relena tried. Heero reluctantly paused the game.   
  
" It's all right, Relena." Heero stared then snapped out of it. " How have things been going with the Terraforming (sp??) project?"  
  
" It's going well actually." Relena smiled.  
  
" Oh. Well..that's good."  
  
" Yes it is. We can finally live in a peaceful universe."  
  
***We pause as a man wearing a lab coat and chemistry goggles ducks in to inform all that the word that Relena was searching for was actually galaxy, seeing as the possibility of a pacifist universe was at best impossible and farcical. Now back to our regularly scheduled program***  
  
  
" So how have you been."  
  
" good...good.."  
  
Heero paused. " So, you wanna play Mortal Kombat or what?"  
  
" I thought you'd never ask."   
  
Sally Po watched amused as the two little lovebirds hacked away at each other with whips and chains. ( on the game of course hee hee)  
  
**two hours later**  
  
" Keep it down guys he's finally asleep" Quatre hushed the other pilots as they reassembled the board. Relena, Catherine and Sally had gained interest in the game, and Catherine had taken the sleeping Trowa's position. Sally was attempting to help Wufei, who would have none of it. Everyone was quiet for a second.   
  
Finally Heero spoke. " It was Mrs. Peacock in the study with the lead pipe."  
  
Quatre blinked." You are making a guess so soon?? You realize that if you are wrong you lose, right"  
  
" I know Quatre. But I know I am right."  
  
" I AM NOT THE KILLER!!" Duo whined.  
  
" DUO SHUT UP!" everyone hissed in unison.  
  
"Sheesh" Duo quieted down.   
  
Quatre opened the envelope and read the contents: Mrs. Peacock, the Study, with the lead pipe.  
  
" How did you know?"  
  
Heero only smiled and turned to his game of Mortal Kombat with Relena who was surprisingly, kicking his ass.  
  
" I knew it was you Maxwell."  
  
"Oh shut up Wufei."  
  
Wufei drew his katana, but didn't chase him around. He only laughed at Duo who was staring at the card of Mrs. Peacock as if to say " why hath you betrayed me woman?"  
  
Catherine and Hilde inspected Heero's Suspects sheet only to find it unmarked.  
  
" Well how'do ya like that" Duo grinned. " Mr. Perfect soldier Yuy did it again."  
  
Quatre sighed and picked up the clue pieces and began putting the game away, wiping off the little clown faces as he packed them in the box. " Well that was interesting"  
By this time all the remaining conscious pilots had turned their attention to the video game that had erupted into an intense competition between Relena and Heero.  
  
" Wow. Who knew you would be so good at this game, Relena." Hilde murmured.  
  
  
"There's a lot about me people don't know." Relena replied. Heero smiled a rare smile.   
  
" I want to play you next Relena," Duo stated.   
  
" Sure thing Duo."  
  
" HEY! I know! We could have a Mortal Kombat tournament!" Duo piped up.   
  
" Heh heh yeah. Wufei could be Sonya." Sneered Hilde.   
  
" INJUSTICE!!!!!"  
  
................To be continued..............  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
